Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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