I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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