Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I looked at my own cervix.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
