So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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