break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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