Got a toothbrush?
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
