I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
