According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize