I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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