when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
