He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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