Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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