Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
