It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
