Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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