did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
In America we eat man semen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize