Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
