I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
