I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
