I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
