yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
