And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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