There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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