I bet he comes in French.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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