I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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