I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
