Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize