Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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