I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
