Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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