So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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