I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
