oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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