I want to make a zoo with you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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