My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
