Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
