i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
