You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They took my balls.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
