Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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