Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need moral support for this bender
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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