Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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