Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
