She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
