I showed him my bush... on skype.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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