I puked a lego.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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