I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
