I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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