I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
