Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
