What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
