32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
