Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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