The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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