he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
