He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
only you would photoshop your dick
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
