tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize