i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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