Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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