So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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