We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
