When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
