I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
