i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
