Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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