Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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