she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize