what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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