had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize