apparently the secret to your success is patron
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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