And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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