I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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